18 May, 2011

Pangs

There are times when I still feel like a newbie in this military world. The longer we're in it, the more I get introduced to what it's really like. 

I went to the museum today fully expecting the norm. When I got there, D told me that the curator had called in sick. He also told me that he'll be moving to Germany soon. Now, he's not in the military (well, not anymore) so it's not like he's PCSing... Exactly. He's moving for job opportunities, and I don't blame him. If we had the chance to move to Germany, we would too. It's still another "welcome to military life" moment for me though. Of all the people I've met during this deployment, the people from the museum are the only ones I see on an almost-daily basis. I see them 3 days a week, almost every week for 3 hours. That's a considerable amount of time. Though we don't spend much time together outside of "work," I like to think that they're my friends. We share stories about our lives, our pasts, our experiences just like any friends do. We complain about things together, and we look at history every day. Needless to say, I'm a little sad to lose a friend. It's possible we'll come in contact again - I mean, this is the military - but still. I'm not sure I expected this part of the introduction to military life so soon.

After I spent 3 hours at the museum chatting with D, I hit up the PX for a few last minute things before my trip. {Unfortunately, my blood sugar was super low when I went in and I completely spaced on a couple things I needed/wanted. *sigh*} As I was standing in the checkout line, I noticed a Soldier on my left who was paying his bill. And since I'm married and not dead I also noticed he was pretty good looking. In my state of boredom, I began to make up a story for this Soldier's life. Do you ever do that? I do. =P Just as I was thinking how he was going to meet his wife {I didn't see a ring}, I noticed a girl who had been standing behind him. He turned and replied to whatever she had just said and I noticed she was very pretty... I thought, "yeah, they'll probably have really cute kids." And then tears slowly started to cloud my vision. Sometimes the loneliness and sadness hits me at odd times. I think this might be the first time I've almost broken down in the PX. 

Tonight, I've been battling the pre-travel jitters/anxiety. I always get this way before I fly. And if anyone asks me if I'm looking forward to going home, my answer will probably be, "not really." Not because I don't want to go home, it's just that I really don't look forward to spending 16ish hours either stuffed in a plane or sitting in an airport. It's just not my idea of a good time. And then upon landing, there's exhaustion and jet lag. Yaaay. {sarcasm} More than all that, I always feel super guilty leaving Jasper. It's like freaking "mommy guilt." I keep telling Joe that I feel like I have a child, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm nuts. I know he'll be fine and that he'll have a blast with Annie, but I can't help but feel bad about leaving him. Plus, I'll miss him. He's my battle buddy

Needless to say, I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I really wish I could get off this ride. How much longer?!


9%. Thank. You. Lord. I can do this...right?

P.S. I'd still like some book recommendations for my trip! Preferably a girly, easy read. =)

5 comments:

kirstieJayy said...

i am so sorry to hear you feel upset.

my deployment brain would take over at stupid times, and i remember being at the park and seeing a little boy kissing a little girl on the cheek. they must have only been about 4 or 5 but i burst out crying. everyone stared at me! haha. but i looked down at my engagement ring thinking, he will be here soon.

how bad is that, jealous of a 4 year old?!

oh, another good girly read, P.S I Love You. i can read it over and over again! :)

9%!!!! not long now! :)

i hope you have a wonderful trip!


KirstieJayyx

[http://kirstiejayy.blogspot.com]

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

You CAN do it! You have been and you are. You're a strong woman :)

Melissa said...

9% is nothing! You've totally got this!!

Also, if you haven't read all of Sophie Kinsella's books, particularly the non-Shopaholics books, I recommend those for easy girly reads.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Yay for single digits on the percentage! You can do it!!!

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Hope your day is going better... Yes, a good book to read or something to do on your flight is a great idea. (I loved our long flight and even the ridiculously long delay we had in the Salt Lake City airport, when we went to see my hubby's family in Hawaii last year...cuz I was able to work on some hand quilting without any breaks, unless I wanted to. :o) Ususally, at home there is always something that needs attention, so limited time for working on the baby quilts I have (for those future grandbabies! :o)

And it is so good that you have a dear friend to take care of Jasper.

Blessings & Aloha!
Just wanted to stop by and let you know that your link from the Mil spouse Weekly Roundup that I hosted was drawn for the free American flag art (valued at $65). Please stop by and leave a comment underneath my current post and let me know if you are still interested. And then I will send you details on how to proceed. The 8x10 flag would be drawn with the name of your choice. (Shipping is the responsibility of the winners).