I realized last night that after our 2 year anniversary, Joe and I will spend a total of 33 days together for the next year. 33 days out of 365, because the Army decided that he needed to deploy now. Initially, I was ok with it. The sooner the better. At least he's not going to Afghanistan. But now I can only focus on that number: 33. It sucks. I'm a newbie.
What the crap am I going to do while he's gone?
Getting a job would be great, if they were actually available here.
Volunteering would be awesome, but where?
I can't stay holed up in this house all day.
I know like 2 people on this freaking island, who am I going to hang out with?
We haven't found a church yet...that's how I survived BCT.
Among other things....
The shipping company freaking busted our headlight - still ticked about that one.
Transportation and the company responsible for our HHG have no idea where our HHG are. When were we told they would be here? Today.
My shoulder has been killing me for weeks and I don't know why. Grr.
I've got family drama out the freakin' wazoo and I can't do anything from 8,000 miles away.
My puppy, Jasper, is still staying with my SIL and her family. I miss him like crazy. He'll be here 2 months after Joe deploys. Figures.
All I wanna do is sit down and throw myself one huge pity party. But, now's not the time for it. My hubby is still here and he's on leave until Monday. I just wish that, for once, something - anything - would actually go right!!!
And then I read Married to the Military and she shared something that made me feel like I'd gotten slapped. You know that "coulda had a V8" kind of slap.
She was talking about how they were taking their daughter who just started walking outside so she could walk on the grass barefoot. For a while, she threw a fit and wouldn't go into the grass. They picked her up and put her in it, knowing that she would enjoy it if she calmed down. And guess what, she did! Then I read this:
"I wonder if God ever feels the same way about us. When we're consumed with disappointment, whining over what's been denied us, nursing anger over our unraveled plans. Does it pain Him that we're entirely missing the blessings that are being presented to us right alongside? I wonder if He'd like to say, "You know guys, if you'd quit your tantrum for just a second and look at the bigger picture, you'd see that I have something amazing waiting for you right around the corner".
I bet it's tough for Him to watch us act like such babies over things we don't even fully understand..."
Here I am, throwing my pity party, all the while God is probably saying, "You know, Sarah, if you could look past the bad part about this upcoming deployment, I have something awesome waiting for you. Be patient. Trust me."
So, from now on, I'm gonna do my best to be all bright and shiny. I will try to look on the bright side and trust God.
20 comments:
Wow! That's awesome. I think we all have our times when we want to throw one big, fat pity party...but your friend is right! God has blessings that we don't even realize within our greatest despair. Keep your head up. It'll all come together. Thanks for your words!
All that stuff really does suck, and even though I was never in Hawaii going through that...I really have been through something similar. Until G.I. Joe and I were married for over four years we had never spent more than 21 days in a row together. In FOUR years! I hated the Army for that. And for four years, I pitched a fit to God. Now I see all that I could have been doing and its like "Ugh...so much time wasted."
Its always good to vent, get stuff out then move on. God must have something awesome for you to put you in this situation. The "fun" part now is figuring out what it is :)
My hubby got deployed three months after we moved to Ft. Riley, just after his bct and ait.
I totally understand.
I however, moved home and was pregnant during the duration of his deployment. So, I was able to keep myself busy. He'll be home in one month and I can't imagine how it would have been if I'd stayed in Ft. Riley alone, but I know there's a great possibility that could happen in our future!!
I'm new to your blog, and I look forward to reading more! Hang in there, God has some awesome plans for you!!
Join the spouses club! That's how I met my friends! Pick up some hobbies, go to ACS and ask about volunteering, keep looking for a job, keep your chin up. It's not the end of the world. I spent the first 6 months here without any friends or a job, but I managed alright!
That's a really good quote from the book. I'm going to need to remember it when I get ready to throw my next pity party. LOL!
Aw, I'm really sorry that you're going to be going through a deployment. That sucks. One of my really good friends is moving there tomorrow and she doesn't know anyone. You girls should meet up. Her husband might be deploying soon.
I'm a new follower! Even though this was a "complaint" post, I am looking forward to getting to know you more.
Me and Al have been together about 1.5 years and have physically been together for about 45 days.
In other words, us gals gotta stick together (and not be afraid to cry/yell/laugh/complain it out sometimes!)
Believe me, I know exactly what you are going through. Hawaii isn't all it's cracked up to be-but you hit the nail right on the head. Be patient-it will get better. Even though I wish better was now, I know it's coming-so I am waiting patiently and keeping a smile on my face (most days at least).
I have had some really bad moments and then a friend of mine. a widow, reminded me once that at least he is going to be coming home, some people will not get to have a homecoming ever again. It really put things in perspective. For me, at least.
Deployments are only what you make of them. They can be miserable or they can be a time for you to enjoy some new hobbies and getting to know new friends, and yourself better.
I wish you the best, and hope you feel better soon about things.
Let it all out-- cry, scream, throw something if you have to. I know I don't have to tell you that God hears every word and feels every fear, disappointment, and anxiety that you have. He wants us to get it all out there. Cast everything upon Him. And in the meantime, know that I (and many others) am praying for you and Joe-- that you're time together now will be wonderful and will sustain you through the separation and that your time apart will be a growing experience, drawing you closer to God and each other.
You just gave me a "Coulda had a V8" moment, my fiance is leaving for 2 months but you are only going to have your husband for 33 days?? 2 months pales in comparison. You are a far stronger woman then I!
Well, that girl certainly is smart and it really puts things in to perspective. I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed right now. When we arrived to Hawaii in 2006 my hubby deployed a month later as well and it was sooo hard to get past the first few weeks alone, on a new island, no friends, and no church. THEN I met friends, found NSCF (which you will LOVE), volunteered (not with FRG...eww), and started working out. The gym at HMR is AWESOME. soo quiet. That will make alot of your time go so quickly if you are in to working out. I have a few friends who still live out at HMR if you want me to give you their number or vise versa they are such wonderful wonderful wonderful people and sooooo much fun! I wish I could be there to help you get through your deployment. I know my friends were a Godsend for me. I know with time you will meet so many great friends and find so much to do you won't have enough time to do it all. Just keep your chin up and think about what face God would be giving if He saw you throwing a fit. :) God bless! P.S. Now get your butts to the beach...enjoy this week with your hubby!
My husband just joined the army. He is currently at Basic Training at Fort Jackson, SC and then he is off to Officer Candidate School at Fort Benning, GA.
I know you are a little down from reading this post. I will appreciate whatever advice you can give me concerning BCT and family day/graduation.
www.musingsofanarmywife.blogspot.com
www.safehomehappymom.com
I'm sorry. All that really sucks. Sounds like you've been caught in the series of unfortunate events. I'm sorry. If you are interested, a friend of mine is taking over the pastorate at a church in Honolulu. Makakilo Baptist Church. He's a really good teacher, and his wife is an angel! They have a sweet family. Anyway, he starts there the end of the month, if you are still looking by then. (How random that I know someone getting a church in Honolulu, huh?)
It is so hard being new to the Army, new to Hawaii, far away from your family and having your husband deploy. But I know you will both survive and thrive during the time apart!
Oh girl - You have no idea how much I needed to be reminded of this today. As you know, I've been going through a rough 3 months as well and every day is a struggle for me to remain patient and at peace with God's will for my life. It's like one day, I'm okay and the next I'm in a full on panic attack. I have wondered so many times how this must make God feel. I say with my mouth that I trust that His plan is perfect for me - but then I pitch a fit when He doesn't fix things as soon as I would like. Ohh...I can just feel your pain with all that you are going through. But this post is right on the money - even though you have no idea what the next year will bring for you - you know who is in control of the next year and that is worth it all.
PS - when if your 2 year anniversary? Mine is coming up too!
Awe girl I wish I lived there with you! All those things suck HARD and I'm sorry I can't do anything!! I saw her post though too and I needed it big time. I'm glad it helped you out too!
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I think it's ok to be sad but you're absolutely right, God will always bring us through and teach us more if we're willing. I needed to be reminded of that
What an inspiring quote! You should also try reading 'The Secret'. It's a book about how being more positive and attract better things into your life! I'v lived my life by it ever since i read it. Lol. Love you're blog by the way! just recently became a follower!
http://imarriedasailor.blogspot.com/
What a great post, thanks for sharing. I know it will be hard, but God is with you! Keep your chin up! :)
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