14 October, 2009

Saturday, oh Saturday. Where are you?

I'm ready for the weekend! It has been one heck of a week already. As you know, yesterday was not a good day for me. So, following the tradition, today wasn't either. Awesome!

You know, I really hate to complain about my job because so many people are without jobs right now, but I really hate my job. Really. I am so sick of being treated like I'm less than human just because I'm a hostess at a restaurant. Is it really so hard just to sit at whatever table or booth I seat you at?! Really, people should be thankful for this because they don't have to think, just sit. Oh, no, that's too much to ask. It seems like every day I hear these comments: "Uh, can we get a booth instead?", "I don't want to sit back there, can I get somewhere closer to the front?", "Can I get that table back there in the corner?", "Can I have this booth?", "Can I have that table?", "Oh, we want to sit in the bar instead.", "Uh, can I sit by that window over there?", "*scoff* Do you have anything else? I don't wanna sit here.", "Can I get a boof instead?" {'boof' is southerner for 'booth'. yeah} This, folks, is what I deal with on a daily basis. Yes, I thoroughly enjoy my job. Oh, I didn't mention these: "We got charged for ____ and we ordered ____.", "We need some more ___.", "Can I get a refill?", "EXCUSE ME, MISS!!!!", "HEY!", "Can we get some napkins/silverware?". My thoughts in response: I'M NOT A SERVER!!!!!!!!!!!! Give me a break!

So, now, add in the fact that I really really miss my husband. Yes, I talk to him every night. It's still nowhere near the same. I miss him being here...period. Today would have been a really good day for him to be here. I'm upset because my job sucks, and one of my co-workers is, and probably always will be, a jerk, and I really just need a hug...or something. I know that sounds a little silly and childish, but I think it would really help! I still don't know if I can move. Joe's days are so packed that he barely has time to think, let alone make a phone call. So, I don't know. I think I was a little too, um, irritated when I talked to him about that tonight. I hate it when I do that. It's not his fault that I had a bad day, and there's not really anything he can do to fix it (even if he were here), so there's no point in me being grumpy with him. It just happens.

I just wanted so badly to be angry earlier. Like that would solve my problems. Sometimes I just feel like if I could get angry, yell, and throw things I'd feel better. Then I end up crying...forever. Sort of like I did tonight. It was a little ridiculous. I'm sure a fly on the wall would have been entertained by my outburst of tears. Did I mention this happened while I was washing dishes? Yeah. I'll set the scene for you. It's 15 minutes til 6, and I've been home since about 3:30. I finally decided to get off the couch and think about dinner, so I came upstairs and stared at the dishes piled in the sink. I didn't want to do them, but I turned the faucet on and waited for the water to get hot. So, while I was waiting, I walked to the door and stared out the window, wishing Joe would come up the driveway. Insert tears. After a minute, I checked the water, which was finally hot. Still crying. The more I washed, the more I cried. I thought about everything that could possibly upset me: my crappy job, my jerk of a co-worker, the bff incident from yesterday, the people who come into work and irritate me, how much I miss Joe, and wish he was here...and the list continues. As a cried and washed dishes, I silently begged God to make a way for me to at least be near Joe. Maybe that would help. I just miss him...there aren't really words for how I feel. And, if I moved, I could quit my crappy job. Then all would be right in the world...according to the fantasy land in my head. Reality land tells me that if I move, I'd still be lonely (at least for several weeks), and chances are whatever job I would get once I moved, would probably suck in one way or another.

I don't have the slightest clue what God's plans for me are. I wish I knew. It might make this whole thing just a little bit easier. Then again...do I really want to know? Probably not. I just want to be out of this rut and with Joe. It's so hard for me to remember that God has a plan (Jer. 29:11) and that "all things work to the good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose (Rom. 8:28)" and that nothing is impossible for God. I know these things, and I do believe them...but in the midst of this mess, I can get lost in what's going on around me. So, I suppose all I can do is pray and read the Word.

1 comment:

MeaganAnne said...

Oh Sarah :( I wish I was there to give you a hug, and we could sit around and eat junk food and cry. God has a plan for you, and it is sooo frustrating not knowing when a new change is going to happen. I pray for you everyday, and keep your chin up kid! I got a blog now so I can comment on yours all the time!