16 September, 2009

What is Marriage, Anyway?

So, today at work I walked into a very interesting conversation. I was insanely bored - the rain always does weird things to the restaurant business - so, I walked to the back to see what was going on. Two of the managers in training and a couple of my co-workers were talking about relationships. It hurt me deeply to hear the things they said about marriage, dating, and relationships.

As I entered the conversation, one person was talking about cheating, I think. She was basically asking the to other guy how men could do that...a relati
vely normal topic. Then the conversation leaned toward marriage and divorce. I told them that divorce is NOT an option for me. Never. Joe and I talked about it before we got married and neither of us thinks that divorce is an answer to any problems we have as a couple. Then, she asked me, "What if he started doing crack, sleeping with other women, and has a kid? What then?" I told her that no, I wouldn't divorce him. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be mad as hell, but I'm not going to divorce him. Because, obviously, if he's doing things like that then he needs help! I'm not worried about my husband doing any of that, because that's not who he is.

Then, they started talking about how divorce is al
ways an option...The only male in this conversation has been divorced, just to give you a perspective. Then, she said something about how she'd never get married if divorce wasn't an option. Here's my thought: if you enter into marriage thinking, simply thinking, that divorce is an option then you're probably much more likely to actually get a divorce. If you get married thinking, "Oh well, if he ticks me off or does something I don't like, then I can always divorce him" then what's stopping you?! And what makes you want to marry him in the first place?! If you think you're gonna get mad at him, or have a fight, or whatever, and you can just get a divorce, why even get married?! This just breaks my heart.

Marriage is supposed to be for life, not for "right no
w". That's the way God intended it. That's why he created Eve - so that man would have a companion, a help mate. He didn't create Eve so that Adam would be able to have sex. No, he created her to be with Adam to help him through life and all that comes with it. Now, obviously, things went awry in the Garden and Adam and Eve went from perfect, happy people to sinful and utterly messed up people. Thanks a lot! ;-) In all seriousness though, marriage isn't something to enter into lightly. If you don't think you can commit to someone for the next 5 years (let alone 50), why even think about getting married?

People don't even talk before they get married. They don't discuss their expectations, issues, or deep feelings. Which is, I think, part of the prob
lem. If couples merely talked about how they feel or what they expect of marriage, marriages might actually last!

I think that premarital counseling is the best thing Jo
e and I did for our marriage. I'm going to be honest, I was not excited about it. =) In fact, I was a little upset that we 'needed' it. But, our pastor (who just happens to be my father-in-law) told us that he required it of all the couples he married. *sigh* So, off we went to counseling. Most people think counseling is a load of junk, but it was amazing! Hard, but amazing. He asked us questions that we probably would have NEVER asked ourselves. He challenged us, he encouraged us, and he made us talk about our feelings and expectations. We talked about how we felt about each other, what we loved most about the other, and what our ideas of marriage were. Who on earth actually thinks about that stuff?? Certainly not us! Of course, our counselor is also a Christian, and someone we could both trust. It was so worth it. Because now, knowing that I can trust my thoughts, ideas, and feelings with my husband, I can tell him anything without worrying about it. I thought he was my best friend before we got married...now, I can tell you he is definitely, completely my best friend - the only person I can trust with my heart, soul, mind, and body.

I don't have to worry if he's going to cheat, be
cause I know his heart. I know that he could never do that to me. I don't worry if he's going to do something illegal or whatever...I know him. I know that he loves me, even though he's not here to tell me that. I know that even though I think I could stand to lose some weight, he thinks I'm beautiful anyway. That's the way it should be.

Oh, to see these people walking around thinking that divorce is the answer to a big fight just kills me. Fighting, or arguing, is a part of being in a relationship!! The answer to fighting is to talk about why you're upset. Tell your significant other what made you upset; don't be afraid to talk about it. Communicate, then find a solution or compromise. People are so selfish these days. It's not just about you, relationships are about the other person too, whether you're married or not.

Conversations like then one I walked into today make me so unbelievably thankful for what God has given me. A few years ago, I never would have thought that I would be here... I have a wonderful, godly husband, who just happens to be my best friend. I can completely be myself with him, and not worry what he's going to think. I can trust that just because I get mad at him or he gets mad at me, that he's not going to up and decide to divorce me. That is not an option for us...because God intended that we be married for the rest of our lives.


Poekitten said...

I totally agree with your view of marriage. DH & I talked a lot before we got married and agreed divorce is NOT an option for us. Ever. We we unable to to premarriage counseling but we did talk about a lot of those hard questions. It always nice to find someone with similar views!

Lacey said...

this is simply beautiful my dear! I am so glad i read this because i agree with you completely... i really dont understand ppl who speak of divorce like its no big deal..marriage is big!