10 October, 2013

Complaints of an Awful Day

Right now, all I want to do is complain. I want to sit and wallow in the junk I was handed yesterday. It's a really crappy situation...not unbearable, but extremely frustrating and overwhelming. 

I spent the better part of my day on the phone with our gas company. Because apparently, shutting our gas off can be done whenever they feel like it, but turning it back on (while charging us for it) will take about 5 days. And over the course of that 5 days, my parents will be visiting. For, like, the first time ever.

You want to know what's really funny (ironically so) about this situation? My Bible study from this morning. It's like God was trying to prepare me for it. Well, I suppose it isn't "like" He was trying to prepare me for it - He was preparing me for it. {Although I definitely would have appreciated a larger sign. =P} When I do my Bible study, I usually like to write down a few points and verses I want to remember. I can't just read something and move on, because it won't stick. I have to write it down. Here's the very first thing I wrote down:

Complaining opens the door to self-pity and rage.

Before I discovered that our gas had been shut off, that phrase was intriguing and thought-provoking, but nothing more. It didn't really affect me. I mean, sure, I complain. We all do, right? So, yeah, I could do a bit less of it. I suppose I really needed a lesson on this today, because it doesn't stop there.

Venting to God instead of others tempers our thoughts and help us see things from His perspective.

I tried so hard to do that today. I will admit that I pretty much failed. I did vent to Him...at first. But as the day wore on, I wore out. I was upset, tired, overwhelmed, and extremely hormonal. I was mad at Joe, mad at Charlotte {because OMG why won't you just chill out, child?! Not my best mommy moments today}, mad at the gas company, mad at the company they use for their technicians, mad at my doctor, mad that I had to take a freezing cold shower...on and on and on. 

And now I'm really kicking myself for spending so much time marking verses, only to pretty much disregard them the rest of the day. I did try, I did pray, I did vent to Him. But at some point I got so overwhelmed - so stuck in my head that I just stopped. It's easier to lash out. But, gosh, is it exhausting. In particular, I really wish I'd remembered this verse:

For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing. ~ Jeremiah 31:25

I was absolutely weary by 3pm. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I'd been "on" mentally from the time I was supposed to take my shower in the morning, until about 2pm. That's a pretty big chunk of time to be focused on solving one single problem. But that's a problem, too. I should have done what I could and then given the rest to God. Instead, I hung on to the problem and continued to worry about it. Even though there was absolutely nothing else I could do, I worried. 

Then my worry turned back into frustration. Joe came home (and with cookies!) and I took out my frustration on him. You know, because that's what you do when you're upset. UGH. I'm definitely not proud of it, and I hate that I made him feel bad after he'd already had a bad day. Clearly winning all over the place. I wish I'd remembered this verse, too:

...we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5b

Yeah... It's safe to say not very many of my thoughts were obedient yesterday. I really, really, really wish I had paid better attention. At the very least I wish I had even thought there would be a possibility that I actually needed this lesson. Because, wow, what a day.

Maybe next time I'll pay better attention? 

Or maybe I'll do what Gideon did and ask for a bigger sign... {Judges 6}

Maybe.

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