26 August, 2013

Drowning

Do you ever just feel like you're drowning in the stuff of life? The dishes, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the caring-for-a-tiny-human and husband? I'm feeling that way a lot lately.

Nothing is right. My hormones are off the stinkin' charts. I'm tired. I'm achey. I need to be more active, but OMG I'M TIRED. And it's hot outside. My allergies and asthma are kicking my butt lately, too. I'm on medicine and it helps, but I still get winded far too easily. The resident tiny human is clingy, often whiny, and almost always hungry. My husband is here, but not here, and not always a fan of how/when things get done. 

I feel like I'm drowning.

I definitely have more energy now than I did in my first trimester, but I'm still taking care of a toddler all day. Changing diapers, playing, feeding, cleaning, saying "no" a bazillion and one times, cuddling, translating, and often appeasing. 

There are still boxes of yard sale stuff hanging around (things that didn't sell *sigh*), which honestly doesn't motivate me to do much. Because, really? Boxes are clutter and don't make my house look clean even when it is actually clean. It just seems pointless sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time.

There is organizing to be done, but nowhere to organize things and put them away. For instance, my sewing and craft stuff. No room for the desk that once held  most of it. No shelves in the laundry room to store it. So it sits in a box in the soon-to-be-nursery awaiting a "home." The only thing out is my sewing machine, and all I've sewn in months are Charlotte's too-big pants and a new rank patch on one of Joe's PCs. I don't even have motivation to sew because of my lack of work space. UGH.

I still know next to no one in this town, but efforts are being made. (First time at PWOC this week!) I'm suffocating just knowing that I know so few people here. I may be an introvert, but I still need friends and people. Need. I just don't need them 24/7.

My hormones make me irritated (as previously mentioned).... Everyone and everything (at some point) irritates me - friends, family (sadly, they take the brunt of my hormones), the dog, something some random person did or said. I even know I'm not being completely rational, but it's hard not to feel the way your hormones say you should feel!

Basically? I feel like I'm getting next to nothing right. It's frustrating. I just feel defeated, which only propagates the issue. It doesn't make me want to do - or be - better. It just makes me want to sit here on the couch, wallow, and cry. I'm not even sure I know what to do anymore.

Or is it just the hormones talking?

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