27 August, 2013

Bad Things, Good People, and God

My heart is breaking for some people right now.

As I was messing around on FB Saturday night, I found out that an acquaintance gave birth to a little girl...who was stillborn. I barely know her, and yet my heart hurts for her. I don't quite know the pain she is experiencing, yet I do to a certain degree.

Sunday morning, I woke and checked my phone to kill time before Charlotte woke up. There I found that Diana's little boy was doing worse. This woman... A strong Christian, and contributor to a blog/women's bible study group online, is losing her third little boy in the span of about a year. Last year, her twin boys were born at 19 weeks. One lived minutes, the other a few hours. I haven't been keeping up with her blog very much since then, so I don't know the details of this pregnancy. I only recently found out she'd had a little boy. A boy who was supposed to be her rainbow baby.

To a point, I can relate. After going through a miscarriage, I know the fear that sets in early on in a subsequent pregnancy. The fear of losing again. The fear of not being excited about being pregnant. (Oh, yeah. How's that for guilt?!) Then there's the realization that God is in control. So you let go of the fear, embrace the pregnancy and allow yourself to feel excited. You allow yourself to plan, to hope, to dream.

After all that, I can't imagine what she's feeling right now. I just can't. Truthfully, it makes me scared, too. It's selfish, but it makes me scared for me - for my family. Because if this can happen to her - someone with whom I share similarities - it could happen me, too.

I know there are many people out there thinking, questioning how God can allow these things to happen to good people - His people. The answer is... There isn't an answer that will satisfy us. Not really. Our world is broken, and full of sin. It's why we die. It's why people kill other people. Sin is why bad things happen to good people. Yes, God is ultimately in control, but we sinful people broke the world He built for us in the beginning. Good people - even Christians - aren't exempt from the consequences of our sin. God didn't promise us an easy life just because we're believers.

Even if God could answer our "why" questions, would they be enough for us? If God told me he allowed me to miscarry our second baby because it would teach me something about Him, myself, and others like me, would that satisfy my heart? Would it make me grateful? I honestly doubt it. If God told the thousands of women struggling with infertility, that He wanted them to wait until He said it was time, would that satisfy them? Would it make their struggle easier to accept? My guess is that it probably wouldn't.

God is in control. Even in the bad things in our lives, He is good. He is faithful. He cares for us. He wants to hold us through the tough things, and even the not-so-tough things.

{Edited to add:} This morning, through a post on SheReadsTruth, I learned that Diana's little boy passed away. I can't begin to say how much my heart hurts for them. Please pray for her family. And also, please read the post written on SheReadsTruth. It perfectly depicts the heart of a believer in times like these.

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