05 December, 2011

Ah, the Holidays...

You know, I really enjoy the Christmas season. Not just the getting gifts for people {which we're seriously cutting back on this year} but just the general joy of the season. The decorating, the lights, Christmas carols sung at church, spending time with family and friends... That sort of thing.

But do you know what I don't enjoy? All the stress that inevitably comes with visiting my family. And let me be clear, when I say "my family" I mean my side of the family. Generally, visiting Joe's side of the family is hectic but enjoyable. Visiting my family, making plans with them, and dealing with them is incredibly stressful. They're my family no matter what and I do love them {no matter how crazy they drive me}, so if I can I go visit. 

Source: google.com via Sarah on Pinterest

I'm sure you remember the post where I talked about the drama with my mom. Sadly, the drama there has hardly let up. It's just taken a different turn now. Instead of complaining/whining to me about who's coming  {and when} once Charlotte arrives, she now berates me with things I need to do when traveling. Nevermind that my doctor says flying is fine. We are planning to drive from NC to AR with Joe's parents a few days after Christmas. It's a long drive, but we're taking it in 2 days. I haven't cleared it with my doctor yet, but I don't see any problems with this. She does. 

Joe put in for leave a while back and asked for 3 weeks, this way we could go to AR to see his brother {who can't come to NC} and to see my family. A win-win situation for everyone involved. I waited a while to tell my mom because I wanted to make sure that we would actually be coming. Well, one day I decided I'd tell her early. Mostly because she kept talking about mailing our presents and I didn't want her to mail them if we'd be coming. So, I told her the situation...that we might be coming if Joe's leave got approved. I was giving her a heads up...being nice, right? Apparently she didn't think so.

I gave her the tentative travel dates and all the info I could. I kind of expected her to be excited. Instead I was met with: "Well, I go back to work on the 2nd." When I told her that I had a feeling and that we'd be staying with Joe's parents {not just because I know my mom will be back at work}, she says, "Well, why even come, then?"

Knife. In. My. Heart. Then she lays on the "I don't want you to travel so much...it's not good for the baby" guilt crap. Personally, I don't see the problem with me riding in a car... How's it different from flying? Since then, we've had basically the same conversation. Except now she throws in "this nurse I talked to said you need to do this. Did you know that?!" kind of things. It's incredibly irritating. She's also said how she's just worried about me. I told her that it's not her job to worry about me all the time. She disagrees because that's what she's always done. Nevermind that little verse from Matthew 6 that says "DON'T WORRY." 

I don't fully  understand all of the issues she has with me traveling, staying with someone else and generally following my own rules. But after praying, talking to Melissa about it, and hearing a great sermon today at church... I think I've got a few things figured out:

  1. My mom either has control issues or boundary issues. Possibly both. 
  2. She still thinks I'm "her little girl."
  3. She can't see me as an adult.
  4. She clearly doesn't fully trust God. {I struggle with that too, but the difference is I realize I struggle with it.}
So basically, I have a lot of praying to do. I also potentially have a hard conversation ahead of me, because I can't keep dealing with this. I can't keep cringing whenever she calls... I can't keep being on edge when I talk to her. I can't keep getting upset every time I talk to her. It's not good for anyone involved and I don't think either one of our behavior is honoring God. {That's where today's sermon comes in.}

Somehow, she needs to realize that I'm not 5 years old anymore, that I'm a married woman {with a baby on the way!}, and that she cannot control my life or what happens to me. More importantly, she needs to realize that I'm trusting God to take care of me, my husband {he did just come home from Iraq, didn't he?!} and this little girl in my belly. And I obviously wouldn't do anything that I know would hurt Charlotte. She also needs to realize that there are certain boundaries in life... I need to learn how to set them, though. I'm very seriously considering buying the book, Boundaries. My pastor in NC recommended it a long time ago and I think it could come in handy now. 

All that said, I have a feeling the holidays with my family are going to be very interesting....and possibly very difficult. I'm really looking forward to getting to see all of my family, but I don't look forward to dealing with all the drama. Say a prayer for me? Pretty please?!

How are holidays with your family? Blissfully drama-free or woefully drama-filled? =P

P.S. Just 2 more days to enter the MyMemories giveaway! Only a few people {literally} have entered, so you have a great chance! Don't miss out!


Optimistic Liz said...

I went on a 16 hour trip when I was 24 weeks pregnant and everything went just fine! My doctor told me to drink a ton of water and stretch my legs as often as I could. But I was due in the Summer and it will be winter so it could be different for you.
I am sorry your mom is like that. Isnt it a joy to have family drama?
Hopefully you'll at least have fun when you do see your family! if not, you should be proud your putting in the effort to see them, wether its appreciated or not.

The McGriff's said...

I flew from Okinawa to Hawaii and back at 34/35 weeks pregnant. And we PCS'd in the middle of my second pregnancy - Okinawa to Oklahoma. My midwives were OK with both of these so I am pretty sure that your mom is worrying for no reason.

We are not traveling for the holidays this year (Thanksgiving and Christmas). We have a wedding the weekend after Christmas and that is a 6 hour drive. We were in Nashville and Atlanta in October. That is enough driving for us this year. We figured the in-laws could come for our oldest daughter's third birthday party (this coming weekend!) but they said "it is not worth their time." OUCH! They may come for a day after Christmas (they keep changing the date and wanted to come the day of my brothers wedding - before Christmas - yes, that is 2 weddings in December). I kind of hope they just don't come. We live in the same area as my family so we see them all the time. I actually got to spend Thanksgiving with my family and we will do the same for Christmas!

Chantal said...

Wow I can't believe that! You know we flew to Australia AND did two road trips (one up the coast and one back down) and I survived. In a foreign country, to boot. Your mom has some serious issues... I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Karen said...

I went to Jamaica when I was 18 weeks pregnant, and we travelled a lot - if your Doctor tells you it's ok, listen to them. I completely understand your family drama (except for me it's my inlaws not my family). I'll send some extra prayers your way this holiday season. Hope it's more Merry than stressful :)

heather said...

Both sides have drama( mother inlaws sister, and my dads sisters and one of her kids) other then that its great. Just with my parents and sister, and his parents and siblings is wonderful, no drama.. Its everyone else who is crazy.. I get what you mean with all the things with your mom, mine was my mother in law. she told me that she raised 4 kids so I should follow what she did. I finally had to put my foot down, speak my mind and hold nothing back. we had a rough couple months after that but now were great.. praying for you...

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Oh man. That's a hard situation. Maybe she'll realize the beahavior isn't good.