05 November, 2010

A Really High Fever

It seems like every. single. woman. I know is either pregnant, planning to be pregnant or just had a baby.

I had my lovely yearly "invasion" (as I like to call it) today. It's not that it's that bad, it's just really uncomfortable. Really. Anyway. As always during this visit, I chatted with my doctor about my cycle and all that stuff. Near the end of the appointment, I asked if everything looked good. Her response? "Yep! Everything looks great. =) Just ready for a baby to be in there!"

Thanks, doc. Exactly what I needed to hear.

My baby fever is insanely high. Some days, it's all I can think about. I find myself thinking about being pregnant, bringing a baby home... How it will affect our marriage, our lives. I find myself planning things. When to get pregnant, when not to get pregnant.

Why, why, why do I do this to myself?! It's not like my husband is home. It's not like this is going to happen anytime soon. Thinking about it - no, obsessing about it - doesn't help. Today, I seriously started planning out (in my head) where I would put a crib, changing table, etc. in our spare bedroom. I'm serious!

Then there are times (like today) when I freak out thinking about it. I want to have babies. I want to be a mom. But, oh my goodness, how it's literally going to change my life - our life! Things will be so incredibly different. And with the military, I'll be a single parent half the time. Lots and lots of things to consider.

Ultimately, I know nothing will happen unless God wants it to. Darn it if I can't help but plan things, though! I was talking to the best SIL ever my SIL today about it, and both of us are this way. Oh, how we wish we weren't! My life would probably be a bazillion times easier if I didn't plan things out and then worry/stress when things don't go the way I planned them.

I just don't know how to stop planning things. I even do it with Joe. You should have heard me talking to him earlier tonight. Of course now I feel bad about it. I was trying to push something on him that he's not really in favor of...and I just wouldn't let up! What on earth is wrong with me?! Am I really so goal-oriented that I can't take into account his feelings and his wants?

Sometimes I wonder if the military weren't involved in my life, if I'd be trying to plan things (i.e. a pregnancy) around someone else's schedule. Actually, I might already be pregnant if Joe had never lost his job, enlisted, went to BCT and got deployed. Maybe.

Y'all, I really feel like I'm losing my mind with all of this. Please tell me I'm not alone! How do I keep from going crazy?!?! 


Lacey said...

Wow, thats rough. I cant imagine wanting something so bad...like a baby. Your not crazy many people go through this. There is nothing wrong with wanting and planning. I think your right when God is ready for you to start a family he will give that to you.. have you ever read the devotionals of girlfriends in god?
there awesome i was actually gonna do a post on it..but i wanted to share with YOU! Good luck!

Sarah Ruth said...

Girl, I am in the same spot right now! I can't WAIT to get pregnant! Thankfully hubby is on the same page! As soon as he gets home we are gonna be trying. But that seems like SO far away!

ProudArmyWife21 said...

I am the exact same way.. My hubby & I were just talking bout it this last few days..
So I feel ya. And now with us expecting I am nesting and it is horrible.

ACUs and ABCs said...

I'm a planner too and when things don't turn out how I planned..it is hard! Even if I plan how something is going to be and then I talk to my hubby about it and he thinks it should go another way...I have a hard time letting go, because I had already planned it that certain way! I'm trying to get better at letting things go and rolling with the punches...but it's hard!

Monica said...

The military never makes anything easy, and if you wait for the perfect time to have kids when the military is involved, you'll never have them. Obviously getting pregnant when your hubby is home would be a good thing, but other than that, you just have to trust that everything will work out, whether it's the way YOU want it to or not. I'm an eternal planner too, but after having my daughter I've kind of let go of some of that control that I wanted. You have to. Kids never go according to plan. Good luck! I remember having baby fever too and it consumes you.

Via said...

Many moons ago, I drew out exactly what my child's nursery will look like.
I was informed yesterday that my husband is having dreams about me being pregnant and us both being super happy about it.
I don't even have dreams about me being pregnant lol.
Frankly, it's freaking me out.

JG said...

Hahaha....no, you are SO not alone! I think we're all feeling it right now...all of us childless ones. And yeah, we're still waiting, and I'm really the one waiting. :) It's a struggle, and it can be very frustrating at times. I'm sorry. I laugh because I'm there with you, and I know how it's so strong it hurts sometimes. I just keep telling myself, one day...

Sespi said...

I've been the same way -- especially since one of the only wives I know in Georgia had a baby that is sooooo cute! But I'm not even letting myself think about getting pregnant until Chris is on shore duty again. Our deployment schedule is too crazy. I satisfy my baby urges by baby sitting and buying cute presents for my friends' babies :)

Goodnight moon said...

Baby fever!!!! I feel ya...well not anymore since I'm done making babies...but once you have it, it just consumes you! I know it did me at least;) I loved thinking and dreaming about being pregnant and then having this miracle that my husband and I created together.

Your NOT alone! Not sure when hubs will be home....but you could always start clocking your cycle and knowing what your fertile days are, so when he gets home you can start trying:)

Mrs. K said...

We are trying to get pregnant right now and it freaks me out to an extent. I think motherhood always will. Most of the time I'm so excited with planning and such, but if I stop to think about it too long then I wonder what in the world we're getting ourselves into! Ha. I trust God knows exactly what He wants in our lives and his plan has always been better than mine anyway :)

LCPL Smith's Babe said...

I'm totally a planner too! LOL! My mind is constantly playing out events of the future. Sometimes its good, sometimes I must remind myself that it hasn't even happened yet! Calm down! haha.

Your love child will come when it's the right time for your family. Good luck with the wait!

Hapy Friday! :)

H.C. Bishop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Newlywed and Deployed said...

LOL I am the exact same!! Even though I know it's something that can't happen right now because my hubs is deployed AND we said we'd wait at least 5 years, I still think about it ALL the time, read about it, look at baby clothes when I'm shopping, think about and actually stress over how we will continue to have couple time when we do have a baby... I think you and I are normal :) hehe I hope so anyway!

H.C. Bishop said...

I hope you all have a beautiful and wonderful journey to motherhood :)