13 October, 2010

Why the Criticism?

There are things about people that I don't think I'll ever understand.

Similar to the drama that happened to me last week (that I was also told I started...funny how that works), a good friend of mine had relatively the same thing happen to her today. I felt so bad for her. Here she was at church, confiding in a friend. Someone she trusted with very personal information. Although this friend originally had good intentions in asking her why she wasn't coming to this church function or that get together, it soon turned into a personal attack. My friend confided in this person in an attempt to explain why she felt this way about going to church functions - how her past affects her present. I think we can all relate to this. We've all had things happen to us in the past that make us not want to trust people. This woman she was confiding in basically told her (and this is me paraphrasing here) that it was all just a bunch of excuses. She told my friend that she needed to get over her past because - wait for it - someone else has it worse!!!!

What on earth?! My friend had some pretty shady stuff happen to her that caused her to go into a downward spiral. While we weren't close when all of it happened, I know that it affected her in a very BIG way. For someone to completely dismiss this is unbelievable to me! Considering what happened to her, it's a wonder she even attends church still. Seriously.

While I'm sure this woman who dismissed her feelings initially had good intentions, I can't help but wonder why she'd say these things. I really don't understand why people feel it's necessary to tell others who are hurting, dealing with things or simply just frustrated, that other people have it worse. What good is it doing? I think most - if not all - of us realize that there are people in this world going through worse situations. And we can never really understand those situations because we aren't in them. But, we can be sympathetic. We can be hurt for them. And when we have the chance to be happy for others because their situation is better than ours, we should!


Another thing kind of bothered me today. As some of you know, I tend to watch the Today Show...a lot. (Sorry, JG! ;-)) Well, they had a segment today that evaluated the necessity of monogamous relationships, specifically marriages. Some people believe that we - as humans - are not naturally monogamous. Some believe that we aren't meant to be "tied down" to one person for the rest of our lives. Their reasoning - I'm assuming - is the incapability of so many people to stay in a monogamous relationship for a long period of time. Cheating, pornography, etc. 

Here's my reasoning. 

We actually ARE naturally monogamous. {The woman in the segment did say that we naturally cling to one person. Go figure. She was actually fairly objective.} God created us to be with only one person. Somehow, I think that if God thought Adam needed more than one help-mate He would have created more. I do. God's a smart guy. Obviously, there were polygamous relationships in the Old Testament. I don't know their reasoning for it. I don't claim to be a Bible scholar. I, personally, believe that God allowed them to be polygamous. In the same way, God allows people to sin - to cheat. That doesn't mean He likes it! He gave us free will - the ability to choose. If we choose wrong, that's on us. 

The simple fact is that people aren't perfect. We make mistakes. As the lady on the show said, most people marry because that person makes them happy. Obviously, that should be a part of why you marry someone. It's bigger than that though. Before you actually get married, you should really talk with that other person. Find out their beliefs. Find out everything you possibly can about each other. I recommend pre-marital counseling. It was the best thing we could have done for our soon-to-be-marriage. The counselor we saw (who was a Christian counselor on staff at the church we attended) asked us things that we NEVER would have come up with on our own. It was amazing. So many times, couples don't talk about their expectations, their beliefs, whether they want kids, how they want to raise kids, where they want to live, how they expect their spouse to act, etc. This, along with the imperfections of people, the cheating, the lying, the hiding things, is what makes marriage difficult. 

Too often, people just give up. They decide it isn't worth fighting for. They decide he/she doesn't deserve forgiveness for an affair. They decide they can't live with his/her annoying habits. I could go on forever here. The truth is, marriage is hard. You have to make a conscious decision every day to keep trying. To love your spouse unconditionally. I think people love conditionally these days, and that isn't how it's supposed to be. God also needs to be in the middle of a marriage. I think that's the number 1 cause of failed marriages. 

I'm just saddened by this view on marriage - that it isn't worth it. It IS! You just have to being willing to be selfless...which is asking a whole lot more these days.

This is not the post that I had planned for today, but I really wanted to share these things with you. Hope you don't mind. =)

Hope y'all are having a great week!


Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

I couldn't agree more! The world's views on marriage have become so twisted and are so far from what God intended and desires it to be.

Canadianbloggergirl said...

I'm not gonna bring God into this comment ( I hope that is ok?) but I agree lately in general there has been a lot of criticism and negativity towards different situations for uncalled for reasons.

Its unfortunate for this to happen. What people don't realize is that words hurt sometimes more than a physical action.

JG said...

Wow. Along these same lines, I was talking to some friends of mine the other day about how MEAN mothers are nowadays! Specifically 20-something mothers. A lady I know posted a pic on facebook of her 4-year-old son getting his first Happy Meal. He couldn't have looked more thrilled if it had been solid gold. And in 5 minutes she had gotten 3 comments about how awful a mother she was and how she was ruining her child. And that's not the only example. On the blogs, as soon as someone says they are not cloth diapering, the wolves descend. And I thought, wow, that is so rude, you wouldn't do that in real life, you shouldn't do it online! But as you have reminded us, yes, they do it in real life too. Which is why I plan on keeping my children a complete secret from the internet and my in-laws (who are exactly the same. As soon as I mention the word "epidural" I will get the "That's not the way God intended it speech. Bring it.)

And as far as polygamy, consider this: had Abraham not lived polygamy, there would have been no 9/11. That pretty much settles it for me.

Poekitten said...

I agree with your thoughts on marriage (the other stuff too). A great book to read is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. It explores the idea that marriage is to make us holy, not happy. It's thought provoking!

AirForceWife and Mommy of Two said...

Love this post and love your blog. I am a new follower and fellow military wife. It would be great if you could follow back. I have also put your button on my sidebar. Hope you can grab mine as well :)


Paula Kathlyn said...

Awesome post. I agree whole heartedly :)

Lacey said...

Let me start this off my saying im addicted to reading your blog! Secondly i agree with everything you just said, and im so glad you said it!

Charity said...

I was wondering what your thoughts are on TV shows like "Sister Wives" and others that seem to make a mockery of they way marriage was intended. Ethically, do you think it's wrong to watch shows like that if you don't agree with that kind of lifestyle? (So you don't feel like I'm attacking you or anything I'll give you my opinion. My view is I wouldn't feel right watching shows like that because I whole heartedly do not believe in that lifestyle. Same goes for the show Modern Family since there is a gay couple as part of the show.)

Sarah said...

Lacey, Thank you so much!! =D I'm glad you enjoy reading. That's always nice to hear/know.

Charity, that is such a great question. I don't see anything wrong with watching shows like Sister Wives for a few reasons.

1. I'm a historian at heart. I love learning about other cultures, whether I agree with them or not. I consider polygamy to be a different culture than ours. I know NOTHING about it, so I find the show more informative than anything.

2. As a Christian, I'm called to lead others to Christ. How can I lead people (like the family on Sister Wives) to Christ if I know nothing about the way they live? How can I relate to them? How can I start up a conversation with them?

3. I think that learning about other religions/lifestyles is good, but ONLY if you have a heart for reaching those people. If you aren't called to reach out to them, then I think you should stay away from their influence.

I hope this makes sense!

And, both of you need to go here: http://meandmysoldierman.blogspot.com/2010/10/on-commenting-and-replying.html and get your reply-to email set so I can email you back instead of commenting back on my blog! =)

Charity said...

Ok. I tried that and when I tried to reply yours showed up as the no reply thing. Hmmm.