17 August, 2010

Me and My Emotions

I'm not good friends with them right now. They're making me all sad and grumpy. Who knew it was possible to be both of those at the same time? *sigh* I think I'm going to blame Army Wives. Yup. I got disc 1 of season 2 in the mail today, thank you Netflix!

I fixed some very, very yummy Broccoli and Cheese Soup (thank you, Campbell's soup!) and popped in that DVD. Big mistake. Disc 1 is a seriously emotional one. In case you don't remember, (SPOILER if you don't watch Army Wives) Claudia Joy's daughter dies. =( And the subsequent episodes are mostly centered around that and Roxy's husband, Trevor, who is deployed. Insert lots and lots of tears here.

I don't know why, but I'm just feeling so...overwhelmed {maybe?} right now. I don't want to be here, in Hawaii. I want to be home. Wherever the heck that is. It's sad that I don't even know the answer to that question. And we've only been a military family for a year! A year! Oklahoma/Arkansas or North Carolina? Definitely not Georgia or Hawaii. Most definitely not Hawaii. Living here is almost like living in a different country. I feel like an outsider every time I go somewhere that isn't an Army post, Airfield, etc. The beach is pretty welcoming, though. Always tourists roaming about there. I'm sure they just assume I'm a tourist too. Unless, of course, they see me pull up in my car with my "Army Wife" license plate cover and post decals.

I don't really hate it here. It's just not home. I don't think it ever will be. It's a nice place to visit, for sure. But living here? I just don't know. It's not like I thought it would be. I thought it would be like when I moved to Georgia. Same stores/restaurants, different mix of people. Oh, sure I knew that some of my favorite stores are nowhere to be found within 2000 miles [of ocean]. It's a total culture shock, living here. I didn't expect that. I mean, who would? It's freakin' part of the US, right? Suuuuuuuuuuuuure it is. The people are different, their language is different, prices on everything off post are ridiculous, and every time I walk into a building I feel like all the Hawaiians are staring at me.

I don't think everyone who is native to Hawaii hates us military folk. But, we're not exactly welcomed here either. I kid you not, I have walked into a restaurant with Joe and not only were we the only "white folk" in the room, we were also the only ones speaking English. Half the time, I can't understand people. It's not always that bad, but sometimes it really is. There are only a few names of towns on this island that I can pronounce without fearing I'm going to be laughed at: Honolulu, Pearl City...no, that's it. I feel like shouting when there's a road name I can pronounce too. I love trying to give my address over the phone. I have to spell it out every. single. time. Even when I'm calling on the island.

I feel like I live on a completely different planet!!! Part of the US? Suuure. No wonder it's considered OCONUS. Hawaii is totally OCONUS. Actually, I think it should be this: FROCONUS - Far Reaches of the Outer Continental United States. I think orders to Hawaii should be all-inclusive - classes on Hawaii's culture and language for every family member.

Ugh. Maybe I just feel this way because the Army snatched my husband from me before I fully adjusted to living here. Or maybe it's just my hormones getting back at me for going off the pill. Why, oh why did I think it was a good idea to 86 the birth control while my husband is on the other side of the planet?! *sigh* Maybe I just have a really bad case of the Mondays. {Hey, it's still Monday here for another hour!}

The upsides to living here: the beach and new friends. That's all I've got for now.

I had a good weekend... On Saturday I met up with Miranda, her hubby and cute little monkey for lunch and a trip to the beach. For some reason, I didn't quite think through the "trip to the beach" part and wore a super cute outfit...to sit in the sun and bake in. Way to go, Sarah! There's that deployment brain again! Despite my deployment brain issue, I had a really good time. =)

Sunday, Miranda and her fam joined me at church! It was a little different than what they're used to, but I'm hoping they come back!! It's always nice to have another friendly face around. =) Afterward, they went home and I went over to Mrs. C's house for some super-yummy food and hilarious games. I didn't get back home until around 1900! Considering I left my house at 1030, that's a pretty big deal. Nothing like good friends and good food. =)

I suppose I should stop being a Negative Nancy. I did get some good news today: Jasper is OFFICIALLY ready to come to Hawaii!!!!! =D He had his last vet's appointment today (shout out to my wonderful, amazing SIL for dealing with all that) and everything is lookin' good! One week from today, Jasper will be here with me, keeping me busy! I sooo can't wait! My cuddly puppy will be back! =D Let's just pray he makes it through his plane ride without being completely traumatized. He is crate-trained, so it shouldn't be a big deal. He gets motion sick {I somehow feel like he inherited that from me, but that's just not possible...}, so I'm kind of worried about that. And he'll be stuck in that crate from about 0500 to about 2030 (eastern time...Hawaii time would be...2300 to 1430). That's a long time. =( But, as long as he makes it here in one piece I suppose I can deal with the rest. Lord, help me! ;-)

Before I end this incredibly random, venting, emotional post go, I have to remind you that JG is having a Scentsy giveaway! Her ONE requirement is that she have 30 people enter the giveaway. I have no idea how this happened, but she STILL doesn't have 30 people entered!!! So, please, please, please get yourselves over to her blog and enter!! And while you're there, tell her that I sent you. Please and Thank You!!! =D


JG said...

Sad and grumpy always go hand in hand with me. Right now it's what we call "pink pill week" which has made this whole field exercise thing much more difficult than I expected. I've been irritable all weekend when the poor guy was being clingy because he was leaving.

FROCONUS... :) That cracks me up! :) Lots of the things you are talking about are things I have wondered about. I think you're right, our expectations do determine a big part of our experience. Like, I know this is on a more minor scale, but we had talked to some people about this class and what we could expect, since it's our first chance living together again and all...and of course, no one else had this stupid CC with his experimental methods, so no one else spent 11 out of 16 weeks in the field. Not to mention that when we got here, the XO told us wives at orientation the guys would only have field training 5 or 6 weeks TOTAL, and that most of the time it would only be for a couple of days at a time. So this has been a huge challenge because we were told one thing and prepared for one thing when it turned into another. I mean, I still think that it's possible to bloom where you're planted no matter what, but man, it's easier when you have an idea of what's coming.

And BTW, I just want to clarify, that 30 blogger is the sponsor's requirement. :) She originally said 50, and I was like, "Uh, that won't work!" :) I feel so much pressure because I really want to do this giveaway and she's the kind of person who would be like, "You only got 29? Sorry, we agreed on 30." So thanks for mentioning it! :) I really want to hit that goal!

Erin said...

It has got to be so hard to be going through a deployment so far from your family! I don't think I could make it through without family around or at least a few hours away.

Chantal said...

Oh geez, I watched Season 2 Disc 1 like last Thursday, and I watched that episode right before work. Bad idea! I had to re-do my makeup!

I had some bad feelings about Hawaii at first but over time, it's gotten better. Try to look for the light in everything.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Aw, at least you've got Miranda to talk to if you need her!

I can't watch that show anymore. It's always so sad!

Charity said...

I hope you start feeling better soon. I refuse to watch that episode ever again.

3 Cupcakes said...

I hope this is not taken the wrong way or anything, I just want to share a little with you in the hopes that you will receive it. I guess I just can't relate to how you feel because I have had to grow accustomed to being the "only one" in the room at times, depending on where I frequent. Being a minority is something I assume a white person doesn't often experience. I have just learned over time to be more tolerant of people that are "different". Just a word of advice from a random stranger try to be a little more patient and accepting of other cultures and it will get easier over time.