10 June, 2010

Things He'll Miss

I hate to beat a dead horse, but the D-word has been on my mind a lot lately. We try to avoid talking about it, but it does come up in conversation occasionally.

Last night, we were getting ready for bed and my left wrist starting hurting. Weird. I thought aloud, "Ow, that's weird my wrist is hurting like it did when I sprained it last summer." And then I remembered, he wasn't here for that. Just so you don't feel lost - because I wasn't blogging then - I'll give you the details on this lovely story.

Joe had been at BCT for 2-3 weeks. I had just gotten the form I needed to be able to get my military ID card. That Thursday, I took off work early to get this prized card. It was the first time I'd had medical insurance since we'd been married. It was kind of a big deal in my book. 2 days later, [a Saturday no less when most of our family was out of town] I had cleaned up the house and took a shower. I had bought more body wash the day before and set it on the dryer (our washer/dryer were in the bathroom at this place) so I'd remember to grab it before I got in the shower. Well, I forgot, but I didn't realize this until I finished washing my hair and reached for the body wash. So, I stepped one foot out of the shower to reach for it. {I really wish I could explain this shower better...it was one of those that's a shower only with a small lip about 3-4 inches off the ground.} I'd set a towel on the floor before I got in to soak up the water from exiting the shower. My right foot was on the towel and my left foot was still in the shower. I grabbed the body wash, attempted to pick my right foot up, slipped, tried to grab something to break my fall with my left hand and ultimately crashed on the shower floor. Right on my toosh and left arm. OUCH! 

After sitting there for a minute to ensure that I indeed had lived, I got up and continued showering. I was pretty sore, and my wrist hurt a little, but I didn't think any real damage was done....until an hour-ish later. My wrist looked a little swollen and it hurt. So, I did what any newlywed girl does - I called my mom. She gave me the "duh" advice: take ibuprofen, ice it, elevate it. Off to Wally World I went. I also called my other SIL who's a nurse to get her professional advice, which happened to be the same as Mom's. I got an ice pack, meds and a movie at WalMart and went home to baby myself. A few hours later, my wrist only felt worse. I was beginning to worry that I had broken it. From my mom's experience working in dr's offices and from being a pharmacy technician for 2.5 years (and from having broken a foot), I knew that letting a broken arm go untreated was not a good thing. I called Joe's grandparents' house. I needed to go to the ER and get it xrayed. If my wrist was broken and - God forbid - it needed to be set, I was gonna ask for drugs. Lol! I'm a weenie. It's ok. So, I would need someone to drive me home. And, I'm pretty sure Joe's family would have killed me for not calling them in the first place.

Joe's grandpa came to get me, and carted me to the ER. After 2 xrays, 3 hours of waiting, and some awkward "do you feel safe at home" questions from the nurse, it was determined a sprain. A sprain that hurt like hell and even caused my blood pressure to go up. I was sent home with an amazing brace, Darvocet (life saver!), and ibuprofen. I felt a little stupid, but how else was I supposed to find out?! I was only supposed to wear the brace for a week, but ended up wearing it for a month because it hurt so bad. I couldn't do anything with it and it was so weak. It would throb constantly while I was at work...even if I avoided doing anything with it. I even wrapped my wrist when I went to the beach a week later with Joe's family. Swimming definitely helped it though. Joe totally missed out on my whiny, klutzy self that month.

So, after the "wow my wrist hurts like last summer" statement, it got me to thinking what else Joe is going to miss in the next year that he's gone. He missed out on a lot in the 2 months he was at BCT and the 6 he was at AIT. What is he going to miss when he's gone for a whole year?

My birthday.

Family members' birthdays.

Thanksgiving.

Christmas.

New Year's.

Celebrating his own birthday.

Valentine's Day. (Not really a big one, but what girl doesn't like to feel special on that day?)

Possibly our 3rd anniversary.

Possibly my 25th birthday.

A lot can happen in a year. I love how the Army thinks that 2 weeks of R&R and a month of leave after deployment can make up for 365 days. You can't replace it. You can't stop it. What's a girl to do? I saw a deployment journal on Amazon once, and realized it was more for people who have kids and don't want their husband/wife to miss out on milestones with kids. Plus, it was kinda ugly. I thought of making one for Joe, but would that really be a good idea? I mean to hand it to him when he gets home and be like "Here ya go. This is all the stuff you missed out on while you were gone." Wouldn't that kind of be like a slap in the face? Or would he appreciate it? I mean, I can understand doing that for your spouse if you have children, but for me? I don't know.

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo, Deployment. You suck.

Sorry, this post was kind of Debbie Downer-ish. Maybe tomorrow's will be more "bright and shiny." =) {That was a Grey's Anatomy joke if you didn't catch it.}

P.S. Thanks for all the book recommendations from yesterday! Keep 'em coming!
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14 comments:

Kayla Sue said...

Maybe a better way to create a milestone journal would be to send him a page every time you fill one out, that way he feels like he's there while it's happening. He can put it in the book himself and at the end have it all finished. You'd have to do a binder or scrapbook type thing for that, though.

I totally understand how your feeling. I am so glad my husband made it home for the birth of our first baby, but he's missed so much of Levi's growth. I try not to think about it or I get really upset.

Hang in there!

SpitFire said...

I understand. My husband went on a year long..he got to take a mid-tour just in time for our daughter to be born, but he had to leave less than a week later. He was gone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day & his birthday. He'll also be gone for Father's Day, my birthday & our first anniversary. I agree...deployment sucks.

Blessing said...

OMG, I totally understand u. I cannot even fathom what my life is going to be for the next couple of months with hubby gone to BCT and OCS....I am beginning to hate the army right now.

I will agree with Kayla....you probably shouldn't do the whole journal...do a little scrapbook every now and then,and send to him.


Sorry about your arm, last year..lol. I hate the "D" word, but its inevitable right?

What branch is your husband?

Krista said...

just speaking as a girl who might as well be a boy.... the whole journal thing? not interesting to a guy. i know i personally wouldnt want to read boris' deployment journal if he made one. and im sure hed rather poke his eyes out than read one i wrote. though i do wish i had made one just for me to keep.
but also just speaking from my experience and a lot of my friend's experience, the guys dont want to know what they are missing. it just makes them feel worse about where they are and that they are missing stuff.
and depending on where your husband is going and what his job is you might get to speak to him frequently and be able to fill him in on whats going on etc.
and youll be able to send letters as often as you want and packages and honestly that helps the holidays and such.
weve been together 2 and a half years and have yet to spend a thanksgiving together, and as of sunday he will have missed 2 of my birthdays. its not fun but like i have told you, its important to have a good group of girlfriends to celebrate things with. and a lot of the time local businesses and churches will plan things for spouses around each holiday, i went to one for valentines day and it was a ton of free stuff and pampering :)

JessRaquel said...

I kind of like the idea of a journal for him to have when he gets home.. But only for really important events of course! I feel bad for ya, my fiance is going to miss my birthday too but at least he will be back in September... I've probably said this before but you are one hell of a strong woman!

The LT's Wifey said...

For me it's all about the evolutionary process that we both go through-seperately. I hate that. Marriage for me means navigating through life together, the ups and downs is what make our marriage stronger. The whole deployment thing is just huge a dust storm that clouds up that process. It puts your whole life on hold, your whole marriage on hold. Having babies, paying bills, fixing the broken washer, laughing and drinking too much wine when you have to work in the morning together-- blowing off the big stuff, sweating the small stuff--we are supposed to do this together. Thanks Iraq, Thanks Afghanistan- we are now doing one year off one year on. I'm totally with you-foxtrot uniform charlie kilo you deployment!

Just Jenn said...

You could video journal. One or two entries a month....keep notes of all the things you want to tell him. And then video it and post it on youtube if you can (most cameras have video option if your don't have a web cam). You can set it so only he has the ability to watch it. Then if he has good internet while he is gone, he'll be able to watch it again and again. If he doesn't....it will be less time consuming to get trhough when he's back than reading a journal. Plus he'll experience the year with you...seeing your haircut differently, seeing you wearing a tank top, seeing you in a long sleeve and a Santa hat (who who am I kidding??? You are in tropical paradise!:P) But you get the point. You can blog from your room, your kitchen, the living room. Keeping him conneceted to your home as well. Might be silly but my DH loved the video clips I sent.

Lindsey said...

I am going to stray from the majority opinion on this one.

I say go for it! Make that Deployment Journal. I am making a scrapbook of the year. Like Krista said though, he may not beinterested in READING a lot, so pictures I think are key. I'm taking hundreds of pictures, and putting them each on a page with a header.... "Concert Day" "football signups" Making S'mores".

Now, yes, I do have kids, but I would do it even if we didn't have them yet. I can tell you that for me, it's good therapy. Keeps me feeling like I'm doing something.

beckara said...

I know some, maybe even a lot of guys, wouldn't want to receive that, whether while deployed or in bulk after they come home...but your Joe is different. :) Take comfort & encouragement in that there are multiple people in yall's life together that know that about him. Write to him, Sarah. However you feel lead to. Whether in a journal, in letters, whatever darlin. Yes, it might be sad at times for him to be reading what he's missing...but bitter-SWEET. He adores you. I believe that it would be more important to him to stay connected with you while he is gone temporarily. Joe is not a "normal" guy, in good ways lol, and I know YOU know that. HE is a feeler, he is a writer, he is poetic, he is your beloved & you are his. You making the effort to stay connected with him will keep him encouraged & strengthened. Love you both and always praying... =)

Carmen said...

Ugh, the D-word is always a downer to begin with! I'm sorry that it has been on your mind lately and I'm sure that it's not getting easier.

Something that I thought about doing was making like a mini scrapbook of things that are going on at home and he can look through it and feel like he's with you. I didn't have the time to do it since I was in school but maybe you will! Just a suggestion. One year can never be replaced and unfortunately as military wives we have to get used to that idea (as much as it sucks) but I hope that things become happier by you!

JG said...

I think you already know how I feel, but just to reiterate: I think it's a great idea, if it's something that you guys do and you think he'd enjoy it, then absolutely go for it!

Keri said...

I'm so very sorry he's going again :( Thoughts and prayers headed your way!

Just think, you'll have all kinds of crazy stories to share from this one too years from now...Someday you'll laugh and shake your head over it all just like your shower story. I have a few doozies in my arsenal too. Lots of fun at dinner parties, lol.

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

Its okay to be all dark and twisty sometimes. I think your blog could be your deployment journal then blog to book it and its great for both of you. I agree, a year is entirely too long and two weeks of R&R is jack diddly squat. I love you!

ACU's and ABC's said...

Hi, I'm your newest follower! I just started a blog!
I'm sorry you're about to start a deployment. I'm going through one too. Have you heard of the book What I Love About You? It is a journal. My hubby and I each got one and we are filling it out for each other.