06 May, 2010

The D Word

It's a word that all of us milspouses know and use. It's a word all most of us have come to hate. We hate it because it means that our dearest loved ones are going to be taken away from us for a long period of time. It means they will miss birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgivings, Christmases and everything in between. It means that our husbands [and wives] are going to be put in harm's way.


Today at the newcomer's luncheon thingy, we learned that Joe will be deployed. Sooner than I'd hoped. I feel like I've just gotten my husband back and now they're taking him from me again. I know that I'm luckier than most because my husband has a relatively safe job, as jobs in the Army go. It still hurts, and I'm still kind of in shock. Yes, I knew getting into this that he would be deployed and I would be alone. We expected he would be deployed from here because they have such a high deployable rate. Still, I hoped beyond hope that it wouldn't happen. 

But, it has. I wanted more time here in paradise with him. I wanted to make friends, find a church, and get accustomed to the area. While we still have time left together, it's not as much as I wanted. Of course, I can't give you any specific details but I felt the need to tell all of you about it. Most [if not all] of you have experienced this before, while I have not. I fear the unknown. I fear being alone...even though I've been alone before. I fear for his life. I fear...well, everything. Right now, what I need most are your prayers. I know that - as Melissa has told and will continue to tell me - God's got this, but it's hard not to let those "what if" thoughts enter my mind. 

So, I come to you as a milspouse sister, seeking your advice, thoughts, encouragement and prayers. I'm a newbie, so feel free to "write a book" and tell me what's worked for you. I only ask that you be nice in your advice (haha, that rhymes! sorry...). Criticism and harsh words are not what I need right now. It's been my experience that some people will tell me to "get over it". I'm new at this, and I'm going to need someone's help! 

Thanks in advance!

Happy Grey's Anatomy Day Almost Weekend Day Thursday!
Hope yours was/is better than mine!



ABW said...

Keep busy. Set goals. Those are the two things that keep me going.

Hang in there!

Erin H. said...

Hi Sarah!

I am getting married to an Airman in June and soon after that he will be deploying too so in a way I know what your going through about being scared. But you just have to hang in there and stay as positive as you can. God has got a plan for all of us, and he will allow life to work out the way he sees is best. So let it rest on God and not on your shoulders. Some advice that I have been told is to just meet as many people as you can (because most of them know exactly what your going (especially those who know exactly what your going through) or get a hobby to focus your attention on! Good luck with everything and just try to hold your head up!

Anonymous said...

Aww :( Well you know you have lots of bloggy friends here to support you! My best advice is to stay busy. During Matt's first deployment, I worked out like crazy. Unfortunately during the second deployment I did not and I'm like all squishy now but I did have my baby girl to keep me busy. Busy busy busy. *hugs*

The LT's Wifey said...

my heart aches for you. overly dramatic? not really-it really does. :)
i hate that word. even though our big "D" is still about 12 months away, i can already feel the dread creeping up in me. even when he leaves for work-i wanna hold on to him a little longer. its so hard to be strong. advice?
project girls projects! keep yourself busy. take each day one day at a time. remember you will have good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks. if you want to be grumpy -be grumpy. if you want to shop-shop. drink a little or a lot of wine! sit in the sunshine and let it comfort you. this is going to be rough & you will cry (so will he). if you need a shoulder to cry on you have one:)

Just a Girl said...

Aw, I'm sorry he will be deploying sooner than you thought. My boyfriend will be deploying soon too, so I know what you're going through. Some advice I've been given is to stay busy and come up with fun projects to do. It will be hard, but you're stronger than you know and you WILL make it through this!

Jessica said...

SO sorry for your news sweety...I completely understand. We are preparing for #3 ourselves

I know its hard...I handle it with staying busy, exercising, scrapbooking and keeping myself in God's word...if I read positive things then my thoughts will remain positive.

hang in there !

Mrs P said...

Our deployment strategy was to always stay positive. It's how I feel we were kicking the deployment's butt. He only told me "certain things" and I only told him "Certain things" and if we let something leak (like when I was fighting with my sister or ticked off at his friends' wives) we always end it with "... but it's ok, I can handle it" or something along those lines. Remember that you ARE stronger than you think and keep your morale up so your hubs can keep his up. And pray. Pray, pray, pray.

I hope his deployment goes quickly, smoothly, and you have him back to you before you know it!

Jennifer said...

So sorry! I know that isn't the news you wanted to hear. I'm wondering what news I will here when we report to GA in June. I'm hoping that we get a break for a while (he returned from Iraq in Sept.) The days went by slowly, but the year went by quickly. Of course, I have 5 kids to keep me so busy that I can barely think! I think that as long as you keep yourself positive and busy you will do fine!!

JG said...

I'm so sorry! I wondered what your fb status meant. I mean, I know, like you say, it's inevitable. But gosh. I'm sorry it's sooner than you planned. You know I'm a newb, too, but I'm always here to listen if you ever need to vent. Honest. :) Anytime. Just remember, you aren't alone. We're here, and of course, God's here. He won't give you anything you can't handle, AND He'll give you the grace and strength to see it through.

JG said...

P.S. If someone tells you to "get over it," you punch them in the face and say, "Get over THAT." You have my permission. :)

Amber said...

I'm not a military spouse - but I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. Know that I will be praying for you as he is away from you. Hope you have a great weekend!

Krista said...

the best pre-deployment advice i can give you is to not think about it, i know easier said than done. but i know it made it harder on both of us before he left if either of us really talked about it. so we didnt, it was like hey we are having fun no need to let this rain on our parade.
and during deployment: DON'T COUNT. seriously makes things go by so much slower! and what has helped me has been having things to look forward to... hubby left in sept so i had halloween, thanksgiving, then a trip to MA, then my friends baby being born, getting a new puppy, then he was home for R&R, now i have my bday and after that hell be home for good. so it helps to break the time up.
some of my friends got jobs, i didnt because id be stressing out like "what if he calls and im working" others went back to school.
keep busy and make lots of friends!

Krista said...

oh also i promise your civilian friends will say stupid things so the best advice i have for that is to just take a step back til you are less mad....
ive had to do it many times.

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

Oh lovey! I'm sorry. I'm terrified of the day I find out Mr. is getting deployed. I know another MilSpouse in Hawaii. Her hubbs is deployed and she is pregnant. I don't know if you've run across her blog or not. I will be here the whole time! Maybe I'll win the lottery and I'll come visit you. Just lean on God and know that what will happen will happen. Serious hugs to you!

♥ Mrs. S.

Lucky Dimes and Dog Tags said...

I was going to write a comment telling you to hang in there. Stay busy. Find something that keeps you moving forward. Challenge yourself to work out every other day or read three books a week. Anything...something simply to keep moving ahead. Then I saw the quote on your page and realized that maybe what you really needed to hear are the words you posted yoursef....so here you go.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

You will do just fine. One day and then another and then another. After all, that's all you can do.