If you don't believe that's true, let me reassure you that it most certainly is!! I don't think I really believed it until a few years ago. I never noticed that when I got angry, I got angry. That is, until I got a dog. Not just a dog, a dog who has a bladder the size of a pea (no pun intended) that is also very nervous when people get angry. That helps a whole lot, now doesn't it?! So, the more I try to correct him, the worse it gets. Now, the dog hides from me every time I raise my voice. Joy. Now, this is not the point I'm trying to make. However, the dog drives me insane...and if I yell, which does happen quite frequently, then he goes and hides behind the couch. So, does this make things better? Most certainly not! What usually happens is he's behind the couch...so, I pull the couch out and yank him out from behind it...yelling, spanking, etc. And 10 seconds later, I feel like the worst human being on the planet!
Enter my husband. My sweet, crazy, forgetful husband. You remember me saying that I love him, right? He is my best friend, and I do love him. I hope you also remember me saying that we do have our little fights and bumps along the way, because you're are about to hear about one of those. =) Are you ready?!
Last night, during small group, I received a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. Now, since Joe is no longer in BCT, I didn't feel the urge to leave the room and take the call. This was not a good idea. It was my husband calling. Was he calling just to be sweet and tell me that his phone was dead? Oh no. He called to tell me he lost his phone! And that it was dead and he was hoping one of the guys on his floor had turned it in (the SGT on duty said there was a phone that someone found) and that he'd get it in the morning. Now, initially, I was upset. Sad that I missed his call and wouldn't get to talk to him before bed. Bummer. A day later, this red headed Army wife is pissed! I didn't happen to mention that this phone that got misplaced is an iPhone, did I? Oh, I didn't? Yes. It is. My wonderful, sweet, husband "misplaced" an IPHONE! Now, if this were one of those free phones you get with a contract - no biggie. We'll just buy another one, it won't be great, but I can live with losing a free phone. But, losing an otherwise $300 phone?! Not so much. Now, we didn't pay that much for it to begin with because we got a refurbished one, with a 2 yr contract. That was a freakin' steal! =) But to lose one?! *Insert scream here*
So, to continue my story...I was watching Glee tonight, while browsing facebook and seeing all of my lovely happily married friends whose spouses aren't living away from them. That got me thinking: why hasn't my husband called? Oh that's right! He lost his phone!!! I know he's forgetful and misplaces things, and most times it's not a big deal. But, the phone is our only way of communicating and he lost it! Just lost it! So, I'm angry at this point. Blood boiling, blood pressure rising, crying, angry. I talked myself out of throwing my glass against the wall, because I'd have to clean that up and that would just make me more angry. Then, I talked myself out of throwing various other things in the room. So, I got up, went to the bathroom and just stood at the sink, crying. The more I cried, the angrier I got. Finally, I stood next to the washer/dryer and stared at the very full, overflowing laundry basket on top. I stared and cried and stared until I couldn't take it anymore. 5 seconds later, the basket and its contents are on the floor. Then, I picked up the basket and threw it against the wall...repeatedly. Until I noticed that pieces of it were starting to break. Then, I fell to the floor. Anger still there, but leaving. More tears. Then realization.
Am I angry that he lost his phone? Yes. I'm more angry that I'm here in this house, in NC where I know so few people. I'm angry that he left me here to fend for myself while he's gone. I'm angry that, on top of it all, he neglects the one thing that he's now allowed to have to communicate with me. I spent 10 weeks lonely, writing letters upon letters because we weren't allowed phone calls. And now? Now that he has his phone? He loses it. It shouldn't make me feel like I don't matter to him that much, but it does. Don't ask me why. I'm a woman, I'm a red head, and I'm emotional. That, folks, is life.