23 January, 2014

Let's Chat

Warning: This post is slightly rambly. But please stick around, because I wanna chat with you!

I'm pretty sure that my last post was Millie's birth story. She was born one month ago now. 

First of all - that's craziness. It's easy to forget in the middle of a hard day that the days are long, but the weeks go by quickly. Second...adjusting to having this baby girl has been difficult. Some of the hardest days and nights have been had since she's been born. I thought that adjusting to having Charlotte was difficult, but I was oh-so wrong.

Just adjusting to having 2 kids has been hard enough, but we also get "help" in the difficult department from the dreaded colic. If you follow me on Twitter, you've seen my "up all night and crying all day" tweets. It's been really hard, you guys. So much harder than I ever thought it would be. Colic basically means I have a cranky baby more hours of the day than not. Not only is she cranky, but holding her doesn't guarantee that she will stop crying. Most of the time, she ends up screaming in my face. To be honest, there's only so much of that I can handle. It sucks.

I know it's not her fault. I know that. It doesn't make it any easier, though. I wish it did! 

Part of me feels incredibly guilty for complaining about her being up all night or not sleeping during the day. I mean...I wanted this baby, right? For crying out loud, she's my rainbow baby! The one I should be extra thankful to have after having a miscarriage last year. Right?

Yeah...about that. I read something posted by Diana Stone a few weeks ago, about parenting after the loss of a child. It was dead-on how I feel. (You should really go read that before you continue here.) Just because I lost a baby doesn't make parenting the babies I have any easier. Maybe I should be thankful for my girls - trust me, I am. But loss doesn't make me thankful for sleepless nights, though countless others would welcome them. Loss doesn't make me thankful for toddler meltdowns while I'm nursing the baby. Loss makes me appreciate life more, for sure. And in reality, I should be thankful for all I've got anyway, because that's what God wants from me. 

I also know, though, that God knows where I'm at right now. After all, He did give this to me - this baby, this situation. He knows what's going on. I think it's okay for me to not be thankful for the OMG-I-want-to-pull-my-hair-out moments. I think it's okay to not be thankful for colic; but to be thankful for the baby that has the colic. And yeah, she is pretty cute - when she's sleeping. ;-)

Sorry for rambling. This is just what has been rolling around in my head recently. 

So, let's chat: Did/do you have a baby with colic? How did you survive? If you have more than one kiddo, what was the hardest adjustment: 0-1, 1-2, 2-+? I'm curious! 

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