20 June, 2013

A Different Kind of Rainbow

When we lived in Hawaii, rainbows were as common as rain in the afternoon. While Joe was deployed (and I was volunteering at the museum on post), I'd see on almost every day on my way home. Joe often saw them on his way to work. Even after 3 years of living there, I never grew tired of - or accustomed to - seeing such beautiful rainbows. I probably took a ton of pictures of them. In town, from our backyard, in the car - you name it. There is just something about a Hawaiian rainbow... They're really like nothing I've ever seen. So vibrant, so beautiful, so big


My most favorite memory of seeing a rainbow in Hawaii was the day we found out I was pregnant with Charlotte. We'd had plans to hang out with a friend of Joe's at Wet n Wild, but had to push them back a little so I could go get tested. As we were driving out of our neighborhood, we saw a huge rainbow in the pineapple fields. Just gorgeous. And what a way to remember that day! I remember feeling like it was God's way of telling me I was getting my promise, after a whole year of waiting for my husband to come home from deployment and aching for a baby. Obviously, you know how that story ended. =)


A few weeks ago I saw another rainbow, but probably not the kind you're thinking of. This is the little rainbow I saw, and words can't explain how I felt when I laid my eyes on it.






Your eyes are NOT deceiving you. That is, in fact, and ultrasound photo of our rainbow baby* at 8 weeks, 3 days. {In case you were wondering, this is the exact gestational age Charlotte was when we first got an ultrasound photo of her. LOVE that.} 


Shortly before we left to visit family in Arkansas, we found out I was pregnant again. First, I was elated. Then I was terrified. Then I was sick, and realized that's probably a good thing. But since I wasn't feeling well, I didn't get back to being excited until I saw this little baby on the screen and heard his/her heartbeat. Oh, there is no better sound in the world! I was so, so worried going into that ultrasound room. Terrified that it would happen all over again. Thankfully, that has not been the case. Our little one's heart rate was 176, and measured at 8 weeks. {No shocker that my babies are smaller than average!}








It's really been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. Happy I'm pregnant again. Scared to be pregnant again. Sad that I'm not hugely pregnant with the baby we lost in February like I would have been. Thankful for this baby currently taking up space in my belly, making me nauseous and tired.








Currently, I am 12 weeks pregnant. (Well, 12 as of Saturday.) I've been very hesitant to tell anyone that I'm pregnant again. A friend here (who we also knew in Hawaii) seemed shocked/upset that I hadn't told her yet...but once I explained, she also shared that she'd lost a baby before her youngest. It's crazy to me how many women have had to endure something so heart-shattering. Crazy.





Anyway, I'm sharing now because I'm finally starting to feel some peace. While miscarriage can still happen after 12 weeks, it is [supposedly] less common. Seeing my belly grow definitely helps, as does my OB's confidence that this baby will be safely in our arms on/around December 28th. :)




What "they" say about showing sooner with subsequent pregnancies is true for me. Crazy!


I will also admit that I've probably gained a bit since we moved to GA. Yay, PCS weight!


P.S. I don't like calling this baby "baby #2" since s/he is in heaven, but I don't want others to be weirded out by it either.... UGH. So confusing.




Sometimes the idea of having 2 kiddos only 21 months apart is daunting. But the rest of the time, I'm just thankful, excited, and really hoping that my babies will grow up best friends since they're so close in age. It'll probably be difficult for a while (hello, 2 in diapers!), but that's ok. If the next year goes by as quickly as the last, I think we'll make it. 



*Rainbow baby is a term in the miscarriage and infant loss 'world' that refers to a pregnancy/baby after loss. They're the rainbows after the storm, and we celebrate them. :)


22 comments:

Jen said...

Congrats! My babies are 2 years and 9 days apart, it's a handful but so worth it!

Jenn said...

Congratulations! Two will be so fun! :)

Emily said...

Ekk! Congratulations!

Allie said...

Congratulations!!!!! So exciting!

Lisa said...

Congrats! Praying for a healthy little baby!

Marcella{The Life After "Trust Me"} said...

Awww congratulations!!!

Ashley said...

Congratulations!! Thats really exciting! And as a mom with two who are closer in age [26 months apart], you'll have your days, no doubt. But I wouldn't change it a bit. Our kids are the best of friends, and at least right now, actually prefer playing with each other over other kids any day! [Not sure if thats a good thing or not ... but at least they love each other!]

Munchkins and the Military said...

Congratulations!!!!! My girls are about 19 months apart. I love that they're pretty close and can relate to each other. When they're older it'll be nice for them too. I hope.

aweighwithme said...

How wonderful!! Congratulations. :) xoxo

Chantal said...

I never got to say congrats... but Congrats! Great news!

Katy said...

Congratulations! My girls are 20 months apart. It seemed daunting in the beginning but now at 5 and 3 they are absolutely best friends :)

Julie Danielle said...

Congratulations :)

Jamie said...

Congratulations!!!!!!! My boys are 20 mos apart and they truly are best friends. I was a little nervous about having two so close in age but I wouldn't want it any other way! Watching them together is the best thing ever, they look out for one another and of course wrestle, they are boys lol! My oldest is 3 1/2 and is in preschool and my youngest who is 22 mos cried when I dropped my oldest off and had to take my youngest home lol!! Also they are a great comfort to one another, besides having just mommy, when my husband is deployed and he deploys every 9-10 mos. so it's a tad bit easier they have one another :) I don't blog much anymore but I follow you on twitter and IG but never get response back - my IG is MommyHx2 and so is my twitter! Congrats again! So exciting!

Jessica Lynn said...

So happy for you!!!

Jen said...

Congrats!!!! :)

Jessica said...

Congratulations!!! So happy for you and your little family!!! I am currently pregnant with our 2nd Baby, due November 26th...my two will be 16 months apart! I'm a little nervous about the 2under2, but so happy they will have a 'built in friend' so close in age! Hopefully they grow up to be the best of friends!!!!!

Katie said...

I love that she/he is gonna be a Christmas baby!! And I'm so excited for y'all! :)

blm said...

Congrats on the pregnancy! It will be so cute to see your little one as a big sis!

Kim said...

Congrats!

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Congrats!

Karen said...

Congratulations to you guys! My daughters are 21 months apart and so far, it's not too bad :)

heather said...

when we got pregnant with our second child i didn't want to tell anyone. almost everyone my age miscarried their second pregnancy so i just knew it would happen. (however it never happened) but my husband said we should tell people around 8 weeks and i only told family and then everyone else at 12 weeks. but i still worried until i felt the baby move daily. so i can only imagine how scary it is when you have already lost a baby. and i dont blame you with not wanting to call him him her baby #2.. i have a friend who just lost twins so she says she has 4 children and 2 are in heaven. so it makes since to me.