09 May, 2013

"Keep in Touch"

We all say it. Most of us probably mean it. Half of us fall of the wagon and lose touch with once-close friends. Sadly, it's far too easy to do in these busy lives we lead.

I often wonder why I lose touch with friends I once spent so much time with. We shared memories, good times, and bonded. Weeks, months go by and....nothing. It's not like this is something entirely new to me, but that doesn't really make it any easier.

For the most part, I'm a people pleaser. I want people to like me {even though I'm terribly awkward sometimes}. I want people to want to spend time with me, spontaneously or not. I mean, I don't want to hang out with all people, all the time {hi, introvert over here!}, but I do want friends that I can spend time with. So, when friends leave or move on, it's often difficult for me to accept that I'm no longer a part of their life.

There are few people that I've actually been great at keeping up with. However, these are the people that also keep up with me. You see, it's a two-way street. It can't be wholly one-sided. Recently, I've felt very one-sided in a couple friendships. Reaching out, sending emails, cards, etc., only to barely receive a "thank you." Maybe it's unintentional. Maybe it's got nothing to do with me. But the over-analyzing, introvert me thinks, "it must be me." And then goes on to try and figure out what I did wrong to cause this problem in the first place.

Basically? It's more than a little hurtful. If I reach out {which does take a lot for me -- #introverprobz}, then it means I want to maintain a close relationship with that person. It doesn't mean I just want to keep in touch for the sake of knowing what that person is up to, and nothing more. It means I genuinely care. To not have that reciprocated is frustrating and upsetting.

For the past couple of weeks, Mrs. C has called a time or two. They moved from Hawaii a few months before we did, and I think we've done very well at keeping up with each other. We text, call, and have even Skyped once! {Which was a totally new experience for our relationship, considering we'd lived within 30 minutes of each other for 3 years.} I had honestly worried when they moved that we'd somehow lose touch. At least so far that hasn't happened, and I'm very thankful for it! I'm really thankful that she remembers to call me, too, because I can be very bad about that sort of thing. 

How do you keep in touch with friends who have moved away or moved on? Are you good or terrible with keeping in touch?

13 comments:

ae said...

I have a few friends that live in different cities/states and we keep in touch mainly through text/email. Gotta love technology!

Karen said...

I try very hard to stay in touch with close friends after we leave and it's very hard sometimes. You are completely right in saying it's a 2 way street though, there are some friends I wanted to keep in touch with that I reached out to, sent letters, texts, care packages, etc and barely ever heard back, it does hurt. I love to send real mail to people, it's so much more fun than getting bills in your mailbox lol.

Rebekah said...

This is so hard, especially with military life. Most of my friends from Oklahoma (before we got into this) don't talk to us anymore. I tried in the beginning but it is a two way street. Maybe they just didn't understand? I think it's easier to keep up with military friends that move because they automatically get it. But thank goodness for technology because it helps so much for keeping up with the friends who want to actively stay in touch!

Kathryn B said...

It's super hard. I used to be great at keeping in touch with all of my close friends, until I had kids. They seem to take up much of my time and make it quite difficult to make a phone call while they are awake. I also have let friendships "die" because the other person wasn't putting in their effort. It can get tiring to be the one who is doing all of the work. I totally relate to this post and have felt this way MANY times!

Jen said...

it's hard sometimes, life gets in the way and it happens. I try to text every now and then to check in. Also try to remember birthdays and such.

Chantal said...

I'm terrible at maintaining relationships. It's just so hard!

Ashley said...

I think as adults it can be really hard, both maintaining old friendships, and also making new ones! Kids just seem to throw themselves into those situations where adults approach things so differently! Sadly, I think I only really REALLY keep in touch with one friend from high school, and not nearly as often as I should!

Amanda said...

Agree. It can be SO hard. I find myself reaching out so much... that I give up when I don't get anything in return. Wasted energy on my part. I think that is what you have to do sometimes. The good friendships should not require so much effort. There should be a reciprocated need for communication.

Marcella{The Life After "Trust Me"} said...

This use to bug me a lot also. It seemed I was babysitting friendships and then getting hurt when it wasn't reciprocated.
A friend than told me that sometimes God just brings people into your life for a short time because He knew you needed them at that point.
Not everyone is meant to be our friend for a lifetime.

Kasey said...

I'm not very good at keeping in touch with people. A good friend of mine moved and this was the one time I actually made the effort, but she didn't. It makes me sad but maybe she wasn't such a good friend after all?

Jane said...

I use to be SO good about keeping in touch with people. But, the past couple years I've been just awful. It stinks losing those friendships.

Jamie said...

Facebook! I love keeping in touch with old friends and watching lives change over the years. Facebook makes it so easy.

Courtney B said...

The hardest time I have with moving (or friends moving) is that I'm SO worried we will lose tough! But sometimes that's supposed to happen. Life goes on that's okay! People are brought into our lives at certain times, for certain reasons. But thank goodness for social media and skyping to help keep in touch :)
My favorite way to keep up with my friends is instagram and facebook!