19 March, 2010

A Little Light in the Darkness

Ah, Friday, how I've missed you! Welcome back!

Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I had an incredibly rough night last night. I'm sure most of you can sympathize when I say that I spent most of my night obsessing over the "what-ifs" of this military wife life. I kept thinking that my husband will probably deploy this summer...which led me down many, many thought paths involving the worst that could possibly happen. *Insert tears here* I prayed about it, I texted my bestie who finally called me back to calm me down...I obsessively frantically cleaned my house. Still, nothing worked. I did my Bible study as usual before bed, which helped some. I read Nefertiti for a while just to take my mind off of it all. I finally got sleepy and turned off the light. An hour later, I'm back in the same spot - totally freaking out.

And then it hit me. Fear doesn't come from God. Satan is the master of fear. He plays on them to make us get weaker and make us not trust that God has the best plans for us. Satan is attacking me - my mind, my heart, my soul. I sat up in bed at this realization and stared into the blurry darkness. As I whispered "I don't believe your lies, Satan, leave me alone!" I felt some relief. I repeated it several times...laid down and finally fell asleep. I'd heard my small group leader once say that if you tell Satan out loud to leave you alone, that you don't believe his lies, it is powerful. Let me tell you...it was. I can only do that because I honestly do believe that God is protecting me, caring for me, and carrying me when I need Him to.

So today, I am resolved to not fear the future. How can I fear what I don't know? How can I be afraid of things that I haven't even seen yet? Maybe I, like many others, fear the unknown. I don't have to be afraid, because I have the most powerful ally ever. My Savior. That is what I'm going to rest in today. I'm going to clean up this house, hop in the shower, get all fancied up to see my husband, and wait for my in-laws to arrive at my house. I will not fear the future, which my Savior holds safely in the palm of His hands. He is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer!
I can't wait to see my hubby today! I know that we're all going to have a great time today, even if our time is limited. I still need to run to the commissary for groceries, but I think it's just going to have to be a quick trip and not the ginormous trip I need it to be. Oh well. =) Can't wait to see a cute baby girl today! Oh, and her mommy. And her grandparents. Hehehehe. Hope y'all have a great weekend!
Don't forget to email me questions for the Q&A session!! 2 more posts to go!



Erin said...

I have a question. What was your initial reaction when Joe decided to join the army?

Kathryn said...

I totally understand what you are going through... I go through those times where I just start to panic , and think what will I do if he deploys. My husband has not had to deploy yet, but he has only been in the military a little over a year, so I know he will eventually if not soon. Until then all we can do is cherish the time we have with them, and ask God for peace. Great post! Feel better! :)

JG said...

You are speaking truth! God has not given us a spirit of fear. Thanks for writing this. I needed this reminder!

Birdie said...

You and I must be on the same wavelength! To me hope is my only defense to fear. It's the only thing I can do!